Future Water
by sheldonthewhale
Summary: Akona and Esther are walking through the park when a chance encounter with water from the future leads them to a familiar world. An accident with a certain earl leaves them running from a demon. No pairings, no lemons, just pure and utter crack. *Middle of season one*
1. Chapter 1

**Okay so I'm introducing two new OC's who will inevitably stick with us for a long time through MANY fanfictions.**

**Esther Quincy Faulkner****- a 17 yr old half white half Filipino girl with medium length curly dark brown hair and of medium height. She'll do crazy shit with little or no motive for the fun of it, but around adults and peers she becomes quiet and respectful. Intelligent and plays the clarinet.**

**Akona (Uh-Ko-Nuh) Gillette Terling****- a 17 yr old half Belgian half Native American girl with wavy brown (bordering black) hair, and is tall. Akona will easily do crazy shit alongside Esther but she's the one who draws the line most of the time. Like her friend, she quiets down at the presence of peers and adults. She likes the visual and musical arts (though she doesn't play **_**classical **_**instruments) **

**Both girls are incredibly smart and skilled in defending themselves. They both usually carry weapons (knives or silenced pistols) and aren't afraid of killing a rapist in self-defense (- that's just a scenario). They call each other 'bro', and have what's known as a 'Broship' (a psychic connection between two similar minds).**

**If you're still reading this then you should know, I LOVE REVIEWS. I am a whore for them so please, PLEASE review. It only takes a second and I don't care if it's one character long!**

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Twas a hot summer day. It was so fucking hot that the balls on the squirrels hung so low that they were unable to hop from branch to branch, as said balls caught on tree's smaller twigs and the like. Two girls by the name of Esther and Akona were walking through a park, conversing about the usual, anime.

Esther was wearing a red T-shirt that had on it, in black letters, some words in German. Though Akona didn't know the language all to well she figured out it read, "We are the hunters and they are the prey," or something along those lines. Esther also had on tan cargo shorts and black sunglasses and red flip-flops.

Akona wore a blue polo shirt and black capris, as well as blue canvas polo shoes. There was a blue and gold watch on her left wrist and she carries a canvas bag full of stuff on her right shoulder.

The two girls were wandering through the park, looking for water to quench their thirst...

"It's fucking hot!" Esther whined.

Akona snickered, "Like Sebastian's %$&*?" They both erupted into laughter when suddenly an old man walked by. His face was filled with that sort of old-man hatred for young people having fun that he never could experience.

"You ladies are too young to be saying such vile, tasteless things!" He snapped, the girls stopped their laughter and glared at the man. "Here" He produced a water bottle from God knows where, "Drink this and become better people." He threw it at Esther's head and walked away.

"Oww! The fuck?" She said picking up the bottle.

"Should we really be drinking from a water bottle that some stranger gave us?" Akona questioned, "It could be drugged or pissed in."

They observed the bottle.

Now two things could happen. One: The effects could kill them, or worse...turn them into those popular bitches who wear a shit ton of makeup and have abortions in the high school bathrooms.

Or Two: they could be incredibly badass.

The two talked about it and Akona turned the bottle over to read the printed label.

"MANUFACTURE DATE: 7-19-5008" she read aloud.

The two were quiet, before Esther broke the silence. "HOLY FUQIN SHIT IT'S FROM THE FUTURE!"

"Esther I think its ju-"

"NAW NIGGA NAW, they never fuck up the dates this bad! Besides, who the hell puts the manufacturing date on fucking water?"

Akona saw her bro's logic. And come to think if it that old man did look a bit like the 9th Doctor. (She wouldn't run away with his ass though, the man was a major killjoy).

Esther snatched the bottle from her bro and popped the cap from the lid with her teeth LIKE A BOSS (it was one of those glass bottles that needs a bottle opener), and took a swig of the water.

Immediately, Esther's eyes dilated.

"Bro, you alright?" Akona asked nervously.

"I... I can see it." She muttered in response.

"See what? Bro, you're scaring me."

Esther turned to Akona and started shaking her vigorously, "THE UNICORNS AKONA! They're EVERYWHERE!"

"Is she on acid?" Akona thought.

"I'm trippin' balls man, I'm seeing everything in a whole new light! You gotta try this shit, it's fantastic!"

She practically threw the bottle at Akona and then proceeded to climb the nearest tree.

You see, in Esther's twisted fucked up mind, she was climbing a castle and going to save the Princess. It was epic, filled with her visions (more like illusions) of robot dragons fighting robot unicorns in midair with several Sheldons (A/N Sheldon is like the underwater version of Pedobear, he's in this account's avatar fighting Pedobear of territory) swimming in the sky. The Princess called for her and Esther could see only rainbows as she continued to climb.

But in the REAL world, Akona saw her bro climbing a tree, going to save a "princess" that was actually a squirrel. Esther was also spouting random nonsense and saliva was starting to escape the crazy girl's mouth. There was only thing she could do, go into the world her bro was trippin' in and save her.

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Akona watched Esther for a moment before kneeling on the ground and taking the bag off her shoulder. She placed on the ground and her hand dove into it to pull out a metal box. While Esther stuck her head into the squirrel's nest Akona worked on breaking open the box and pulling out the wires and vials inside, mixing and rearranging them.

She then pulled a silver P99 from the bag and empties it of any and all bullets skillfully. The teenager proceeded to load the gun with different bullets, the modified ones she put together from the box earlier. Once finished she put everything back in the bag and stood to face Esther. The half Filipino girl was further up the tree, and had a baby squirrel in her arms; there were scratches all over her face and blood running down from the wounds. Looking to the base of the tree Akona saw a dead mother squirrel with its eyes missing…

She raised her arm and aimed at her bro, firing one shot without blinking. The dart-like bullet hit Esther squarely in the thigh and the tree climbing girl went limp immediately. Akona reloaded and aimed for her own thigh, and closed her eyes before firing another dart. As soon as the second one was fired they both started to beep, and a white light enveloped the girls. When it disappeared they, were gone.

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**I know its short but that's while I'll be posting every day (or try to). I Just have to say the CUTEST THING happened at my feet when I was typing this. My German Shepard was asleep on her side and dreaming. And while she was dreaming her mouth was moving like she was dreaming she was nursing or something ^.^**

**It's funny cuz she looks like a tough kindof dog. *looks at dog* AWE she's doing it again!**

**PLEASE REVIEW. **


	2. Chapter 2

**People like this story! Holy shit that's a first. Oh, and if a teacher who has me finds this account, please note that I am not a foul mouthed person, no matter how much the evidence states otherwise :D**

**On with the story!**

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Esther remembered slaying the giant dragon which threatened to devour the princess, and then she had thrown it off the sky mountain into the fires bellow. The princess was then saved and in her care. However, the damned dragon must have fired one of its poison spines as it fell because she lost the princess, fading into darkness.

Esther had actually been transported along with Akona to a dark alleyway. She awoke with a pounding headache and something pushing down on her back. Her chest felt like she'd been run over by a giant ass truck.

'Probably the fall from the castle' she thought foggily.

Rolling over Esther shoved the limp body of her bro off her and sat up. Looking over at Akona she saw a dart sticking out of her bro's leg. Her gaze fell on her own and she saw a very similar dart.

"Bro, bro get up!" Esther whispered loudly, panicking. They were in a dark alleyway, ergo she was on high alert. Bad things happen in dark alleys.

"Nrgh." Akona grumbled. Sitting up from her face down position the taller girl blinked one eye, then the other. Her copper plated glasses were shattered, and Esther saw that her own sunglasses fared no better.

Akona stood on shaky legs and helped up her friend, and the two looked around. The alley was dark because it was late afternoon, but outside it looked pretty decent. The two ventured forth on a silent agreement and came to a cobblestone road.

"The _fuck?!_" Esther whispered in shock. There were carriages moving to and fro on the road, with people dressed in Victorian garb on the sidewalks. A young ginger woman in hunter green dress with way too many frills walked by and sidestepped to avoid coming near them. She then walked away at a faster pace.

Esther looked at her own clothing and noticed she was covered in a fine layer of dirt and grime, with bruises on her arms and chest that were turning purple. Akona had the same bruises, but Esther still had scratches from the squir-dragon.

"Where, and when?" Akona grumbled while holding her head thoughtfully. This wasn't an everyday venture for them, but they'd done worse.

"Neh, fucking corsets bro." Esther said while subconsciously holding her stomach. "Uh, ummmm. Well no cars, so like 18 something?"

"Cars were invented around 1880s brosk." Akona noted. Esther was quiet, where usually she would say something smart back at her friend. Akona took it as the shock that dulled her sense of pride.

"July 17 1889," Esther said from behind her.

"I doubt your right bro I mean this has a more 1875 feel." Akona looked down the road and at the various shops. She turned around and saw the newspaper in Esther's hands. "But you know 1875 was a bit quieter so you could be right."

"Yeah, right." She handed Akona the paper, who skimmed it. "Where's the bag?" The half Filipino girl took the darts out of their legs and pocketed them before searching the ground.

"It probably didn't come with us." Akona said while still looking at the paper. Esther watched her read it and flipped it around so it was right side up. "Thanks."

"Can you even read without your glasses?" Esther asked, now worried that her bro might be legally blind…then they could get a Seeing Eye Dog though. She smiled at the thought. A dog could attack on command…

"No I cannot." Akona said while still looking at the newspaper from an odd distance. She wasn't giving up on it. The teenager firmly believed that if she stared hard enough the words would appear. When she did put the paper down Akona charged right out into the road, but ran into a child instead.

When she hit the ground she dragged Esther down with her and they ended up in a heap on the cobblestones looking up at the kid. He was short, with greyish blue hair and an eye-patch on his right eye. The kid had on shorts and long socks, along with pilgrim-like shoes. His jacket and shorts were a dark green and his shirt was white. A black figure loomed behind him.

He regarded them for a moment while they stared blankly, Akona blinking in her odd manner again. He rolled his visible blue eye and scoffed. "Drunks…" the kid muttered under his breath before walking away. The figure, his butler, followed.

The two girls stayed very still on the ground. It was Akona who stood up first and dusted herself off.

"Who the fuck does he think he is?" she grumbled. Esther sat still on the ground shaking her head.

"I'm still high bro." she said while standing and mimicking her bro's actions.

"No the darts should have cancelled it out. Besides there are plenty of mice and pigeons you have yet to chase after." She said while pointing to the alleyway where, sure enough, mice were partaking in a giant mosh pit over some stale bread. She saw an orgy of them in the other corner and shuddered.

"I really thought that kid looked like Ciel that's all…" Esther said quietly. She rubbed her temples and furrowed her brows in concentration. "No that WAS fucking Ciel!"

"Don't even start, you attacked a cosplayer because of this before in Otakon remember?"

"No I'm NOT SHITTING you right now bro. Seriously that was Ciel fucking Phantomhive!" she started yelling and people stared while passing by. "You just can't see shit because of your glasses that's all!"

Akona stood quietly watching the blur that was Esther through her brown eyes. "Fine…" she reached into her back pocket and pulled out a black leather case, removing simpler glasses. These were square in shape and had thin black rims. She didn't like them over the more expensive pair because they weren't as flattering.

"Well are we going?!" Esther asked excitedly. She started fidgeting and slowly hopping down the road after 'Ciel'.

"We're going bro." Akona confirmed. The two teenagers ran down the sidewalk to stalk their favorite character from Black Butler.

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**Review? Please? I'm asking now where as I shouted before. So we'll see if the nice guy technique works well. Or I may demand of you guys and flip shit next chapter.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I know I didn't update yesterday, but I have a valid excuse :D. I was making lunch when my friend texted me and said "Let's go to the malll~!" (That's not how he said it but that's how I read it). So I stayed out later than I would have liked and his two favorite stores are on OPPOSITE sides of the mall and he had to go to both. But this guy is fucking tall so my other friend and I had to run to keep up with his long ass strides. Dammit. **

**Now you may think, "That's not a valid excuse! Hanging out can WAIT." But he's going to boarding school this fall and we won't see him. Plus I don't get out much (not that I like too but that's another story) :3**

**Enough of my ranting, to the story~!**

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The two teenage girls were in front of a jewelry store and looking in through the window, where Sebastian was holding up earrings for Ciel to see. Whenever he shook his head or swatted the jewelry away Sebastian would pick another one. When the bluenette got bored he sat down and played with his cane while his butler scolded him.

"Why is he buying earrings, I thought he only wore those blue ones…" Esther whispered thoughtfully while watching the targets inside.

"Probably for his bitchy fiancée." Akona grumbled while actually looking at some of the diamonds in the window. 'A stone that size could very well stabilize the effects of the darts' laser's recoil so we don't get so banged up…' (A/N Yes that is a full serving of made up bullshit for you :D) she thought while looking down at her bruises. They had started to turn a greenish purple.

"Bro pop a squat!" Esther whisper-shouted while pulling Akona down to the ground in a squatting position. People walking by stared and some men whistled with no respect as they stayed hidden under the window.

Akona gave her bro a hard glare, "The fuck was that for?!" she said, forgetting that they were supposed to be quiet. Esther didn't reply and looked over the bottom edge of the window into the store where she saw the targets leaving with a package.

"Go go go!" she shoved the taller girl down the sidewalk and followed. They darted into the alley as Sebastian and Ciel exited the store and walked towards the carriage out front. The butler got in with his master and they were off. "Fuck, we can't keep up with a carriage!"

"No but _he _can." Akona supplied.

"_He _isn't here, this is the Black Butler world not one of our stories." Esther slid down the brick wall and sat on the floor in defeat. Akona reached down and gently turned her bro's head towards the street where a black animal stood waiting. "No fucking way…"

The animal was a black Unicorn with wings (Alicorn?) and blue eyes. To any normal person on the street he looked like a black thoroughbred, but the two girls knew better. His name was Zaranicus, but they called him Zach for short. In fact Zaranicus was based of a friend of theirs in their world.

"Come on bro, Zach will follow them!" Akona quickly hopped on and pulled her bro up behind her. She leaned down and spoke to the Alicorn, "Follow that carriage Zach, and make sure they don't see us."

The black beast looked up to the sky and then behind him towards his passengers. "Hold on then." He said daringly and took off galloping down the cobblestone road. Zach unfurled his large black wings and flapped them weakly before leaping into the air and pushing down with a considerable amount of force, launching them higher into the sky. The people bellow stared but passed it off as the opium in their water or some shit.

Once in the clouds Zaranicus started to glide and flap his ebony wings occasionally, comfortable with the height. The water from the clouds formed droplets on them which collected and soon they were soaked. Esther started to shiver and hugged herself while trying to keep warm.

"Hey Zach do you think you can get out of these clouds?" Akona said, worried for her bro.

"Not unless you want them to see us, no." He looked back at them. "Besides how can I not like the feeling of a wet Esther riding me?" he chuckled deeply making his whole body shake.

Esther stopped shivering and glared before reaching back and punching the Alicorn hard in the kidneys. Akona had already smacked the back of his head but the magical creature didn't protest. They did, however, fly a bit lower.

Trees passed beneath them until they came to a large clearing, in the middle of which stood a grand mansion which the teenager immediately recognized. The carriage was parked out front and out of it came the smaller of the two targets.

Zach landed a little ways off in the trees in a much smaller clearing, and started walking towards the house. "Why do you guys need to be here anyways?" he asked them while skirting a boulder.

"Well, um…" Akona started.

"Bitches better have our money." Esther filled in. her friend turned to look back at her and Esther just waved her off, waiting for the Alicorn's reaction.

"The two of you need to start giving out loans to reasonable people." He sighed. "Besides they look like they have plenty of money" Zach said as they came to the edge of the woods and the girls got off his back.

Akona stood with her back to a tree facing the other two as she looked around the trunk towards the manor, checking her pocket for the butterfly knife that lay safely inside. "Yeah then we're going to go get it." If the animal thought they were lying he didn't say anything, he just walked off into the woods.

The two girls started towards the large home, hiding behind bushes occasionally. "Why'd you say that to Zach?" Akona asked while they ducked behind a pillar in the garden.

"Well Zaranicus is a character so I wanted to know how far along in our stories he is. You watch Doctor Who and talk about timelines all the time right? Just sayin…" She shrugged.

"So he's past the story where we become drug lords?" Akona said more than asked. They got past the last row of bushes and were leaning up against the house, staying in the shadows,

"Yeah, and I'm holding in the song so shut up." Esther grumbled.

_The song?_ Akona thought. _Oh shit…that song._ The two girls had just ridden a real life Alicorn (which is part unicorn), and Esther was unable to say much while shivering, but now…

She started to whisper. "Because I couldn't fucking sing when we were in the sky, it would have been perfect. God damned clouds…"

Akona kept the same quiet tone. _"Open your eyes, I see, your eyes are open…" _This started Esther, who started giggling.

"_Wear no disguise, for me, come into the open~" _Esther picked up.

They both whispered together now. _"When its cold, outside, am I here, in vaaiinnnn~! Hold on to the night, there will beeee nooooo shaaaammmmeee~!"_

It became too much and they started to sing loudly, but neither of them could sing well so technically they were shouting.

"_ALWAYYYYSSS, I WANNA BE WITH YOU, AND MAKE BELIEVE WITH YOU, AND LIVE IN HARMONY HARMONY OHHHH LOOVVVEEE~~!"_

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**The song was "Always" By Erasure. It's the song played in the flash game Robot Unicorn Attack (and if you haven't played this game your life has yet to be completed). The game is badass in a stupid and hilarious way and of course our two bro's play it. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Ahem…So…I may not have posted yesterday, but I wasn't really motivated to so call me lazy I don't know…**

**Reviews=faster updates. You all know that. And I can see all those people who silently fav and follow this fic. And if your gunna do that why not review :'(**

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"What the bloody hell?" Ciel murmured while sitting up from his work to look outside the window. He saw nothing but the calming garden.

Sebastian looked up from pouring his young master's tea. "Is something the matter My Lord?" he asked calmly. The butler then set the tea on Ciel's desk alongside some cake. _Seriously why does the kid always eat cake and shit? _The butler thought moodily. _I want cake…_

"I thought I heard a strange noise outside. It's probably Finny though. Never mind." The Earl dismissed it and returned to his paperwork. Sebastian looked out the window through narrowed eyes while returning some things to the cart.

Outside the two teenage girls sat against the manor's southernmost wall behind a rosebush. Akona had her hand over Esther's mouth and they were both breathing heavily from the rush of almost being caught.

Esther whispered behind her bro's hand. _"Melting the ice~ for me-"_

"Shut up!" the taller girl growled. "Come one we need to find a way in…" They stood carefully and snuck around the large house, keeping close to the walls. Once they got to the main garden a large white ball came into view. The ball unraveled itself and the massive head of Pluto stared questioningly at the two.

"Plu Plu!" Esther squeaked. "Oh mi gawd he's like a giant furball!" She reached out to pet the demon dog who stood and leaned into her touch, shaking the ground while doing so. Akona grabbed her friend by the hand and yanked her back to the safety of the mansion wall.

Pluto, for once, didn't seem too interested in them and laid back down sleepily.

"The hell? I wanna pet the giant ass dog!" Esther shouted, forgetting that they were supposed to be undercover.

"Yeah and he'll alert Sebastian just by moving, now come _on!_" Continuing along the border they came across a vine-like plan growing up the wall leading towards a window. It looked sort of rustic and medieval the way it was attached to the stonework.

"Here we go bro up the wall!" Esther took a running start and hopped onto the vines, which held her as she climbed up.

_No wonder she scaled that tree so damn fast_ Akona thought as she stood watching. Her bro sure as hell was good at climbing shit. The brunette followed and they clung to the wall next to the window, side by side.

Wordlessly, Akona handed Esther her knife after using the complicated series of flips and twists used to open it (Butterfly knife). Using the knife Esther (being closer to the window) picked the lock and soon they were inside the manor.

"Fucking gorgeous in here bro." Akona whispered in amazement. They stood in the parlor, taking in the intricately designed room.

"Neh, I guess." Esther shrugged and walked out of the room, she had absorbed every second of the anime and manga, so this wasn't too much of a shock. Akona followed her out of the room. They followed the buddy system strongly in situations like this.

In the hallway they would examine an expensive object, talk about it quietly, before one or the other would shove the person talking into the object. This resulted in many shattered vases and broken picture frames as you could imagine. Now our two bros didn't give a flying fuck if they broke something, because they wanted to meet Sebastian anyway and the Earl had enough money to replace just about everything.

Soon enough, the demon showed up.

"I would appreciate it if you would stop destroying the items you observe." His suave voice came from behind them. While Esther turned around and gazed into his forbidden reddish brown eyes Akona gently shoved the vase onto the floor, earning a shattering sound as the china split into a thousand pieces. Sebby's eyebrow twitched angrily.

"Oh?" Akona said with attitude as she looked over her shoulder at the butler.

"Akona lay off. It's _Sebastian fucking Michaelis!_" Esther fan-girled hard.

"It is hardly ladylike of you to curse like that." He said while taking a step closer.

"…" Esther was speechless in the presence of the demon now.

"Well there's a difference between a lady and a _woman._" Akona filled in, turning around to face him. Esther elbowed her harshly.

Sebastian looked behind them and followed the path of destruction with his eyes. They had come from the only room in the hallway with an open door no doubt, but the question was _how?_ He was certain that the windows had all been locked, with the best quality latched no less, and yet they managed to get in that way.

Little did everyone's favorite butler know that was a _19__th_century lock, and they'd busted into banks.

"You're wearing spectacles…" he thought out loud while watching Akona.

"No shit?"

"You wouldn't happen to be a Reaper than would you?" he sniffed subtly for their souls but came up with an unknown scent, certainly not human.

Esther thought it over in a quick second and replied before her bro could. "Yeah, what of it?" she said defensively. "Got a thing against Shinigami?!" she puffed out her chest and started to fake charge a little.

The butler drew his silver knives. Apparently he did have a thing against them.

"Fuck Esther…" Akona whispered angrily.

"Hey I thought he'd back off okay?!" She whispered back

"Well then, seeing as you're the ones trespassing I would suggest that you leave quickly." He watched the pair before tilting his head and holding it with his free hand. "Where's your Death Scythe, if you're a Reaper?" He asked Akona.

Without thinking Akona whipped out her butterfly knife and held it correctly in front of herself, getting into a fighting position. _Shit shit shit what the fuck am I getting myself into?!_

Sebastian saw this as a threat and threw his weapons at the two. Esther closed her eyes and prepared for death while Akona leapt without thinking. The half Filipino girl opened her eyes to the sound of metal clashing against metal as the large blade in Akona's hand deflected the silverware.

Instantly the taller teenager caught the falling knives and threw them at Sebastian before snatching Esther's arm and dragging her down the hallway at an amazing speed. They sprinted through a random door and nearly collided into the thirteen year old boy who was leaving his study.

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**A bit of a cliffhanger? No…not really. Anyway I know it's not as funny as usual but I needed a serious chapter as I am in a strangely serious mood. I don't know why, but I'm not happy today…**

**Reviews make me happy though! *weak smile* Please review guy seriously the box is RIGHT FUCKING THERE. And if you review I'll update even faster! (I don't care if you've reviewed before DO IT AGAIN)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Yeah, it's been a while. Call it laziness, school, lack of motivation (the list goes on). Anyways I don't wanna stop this story, EVER. I hold near and dear to my heart :)**

**Well, not **_**really**_**… dammit you get what I'm trying to say don't be a dick about it.**

**Oh, and it's my BIRTHDAY. Fuck yes. Not telling you how old I am though, that's confidential information *stares from around the corner***

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Ciel slammed to the ground with a thud, Akona landing on top of him. His face flushed scarlet and he squirmed to get from under her while she stood up and ran to slam the wooden door. Esther hauled one of the chairs in front of his desk to the door, blocking it.

"Esther…"

Akona stood watching her bro when she heard a click from behind her. Whipping around she saw the young earl pointing his pistol at her. Esther just kept up with the chairs before attempting to move the desk.

"Who the hell are you?!" Ciel screamed, the fear was apparent in his eyes. _Where the fuck is Sebastian?_

"Oh, uh…." Akona searched her mind (trashing it in the process) for an excuse. "Well, technically…Fangirls." She said with her hands up as his finger graced the trigger.

"Fangirls?" he asked, not familiar with the word.

A shout of victory came from Esther, who had managed to move the desk a few inches.

"Yeah, so I'm sorry 'bout this…" Akona said before skillfully knocking the gun out of his grasp with the back of her hand. She then caught the gun in the same hand and elbowed the earl before stuffing the gun down the back of her capris. Before Ciel could react she held his back to her chest, the butterfly knife held against his throat.

"You bitch! Let me go!" he yelled franticly. _Seriously what the fuck is Sebastian doing? _

Akona ignored him and watched Esther successfully shove the desk against the door, behind all the chairs. "Bro how is _that_ going to stop Sebastian?" she asked, irritated.

Esther looked up at her from her hunched over position, now covered in a thin layer of sweat. She lifted an arm to lazily point at her bro. "Oh, and like that-" she sucked in a breath, "will?! The fucking Italian couldn't shoot him from point blank!"

"It's the thought that counts…"

"Wait, how do you know about that?!" Ciel asked, his hair now ruffled along with his clothes, and his eye patch slipping.

They were silent until Esther shrugged. "We're well informed people?"

"Are you now?" the well-known suave voice of Sebastian came from where Ciel's desk used to be, standing with his eyes closed and a smile on his face (The look he has before he kills you) before dropping the look and glaring with a scowl. He had come through the window. Akona tightened her grip on Ciel. "And where, pray tell, would you get this information?"

"Yana Toboso?" Esther squeaked. After that, things just moved too quickly.

Sebastian moved to attack Esther with his gleaming silverware in hand. As soon as he started to even lean forward Akona loosened her grip on Ciel to protect her bro. Once she did, Ciel moved to escape her grasp. Not willing to let go of her hostage Akona tried to bring her arm around the struggling earl, only to bring the blade closer to his pale flesh. Sebastian's hand burned as his master's life was in danger, the contract along with it. He raced towards Ciel with his demonic speed and threw Akona across the room.

She closed her arms around herself instinctively as she was launched into the air towards the wooden wall. In doing so, the wicked blade sliced across the earl's exposed neck. A wave of crimson shot forth from his light skin, coating the side of Sebastian's face. The demon stood in shock as the life of his prey was gone before his body hit the ground, the soul escaping along with it.

After a few moments he stood to survey the room, his eyes glowing in pure rage. Both girls were gone.

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**SUPER SHORT CHAPTER I KNOW. But hey, it's better than nothing. Now, if you FUCKING REVIEW I will post a longer chapter tomorrow!**


	6. Chapter 6

**FIRSTLY, thanks to ****elyon777 for reviewing, I thank everyone but if you're a guest I'll thank you in an A/N. **

**Secondly…12 FUCKING REVIEWS, that's more than 10, so FUCK YES! I know some authors are like "Omg 100 reviews guys? Thanks so much!", well they can suck my imaginary dick because when and if I get more than 25 reviews on ANY of my Fanfictions you best BELIEVE shit will go down. **

**And lastly, Latez, know that I'm writing this while you prance on a field blowing on a clarinet and calling magical unicorns to come and purify the world. So THAT is what im thinking about while I write this.**

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"Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK! We're **DEAD, **fucking DEAD bro!" Akona panicked while atop Zaranicus, her negative energy setting him off as well. "Sebastian is going to torture us, and eat our fucking souls bro." she paused for a bit, "No, we're not good enough, he'll just give us a slow and painful death! Rape and death!" she became hysterical.

At the mention of rape Esther tensed and smacked the back of Akona's head, silencing her effectively. "No he's not. Besides, we know all the shit he's capable of doing." Esther lied to herself.

"I don't care what you say, being chased by a demon is no joke, especially one like him…" Zach grumbled.

The trio were high above the clouds that glowed an eerie silver-blue in the moonlight. Once again Akona was sitting on his shoulders in front of his ebony wings, while Esther was behind them. After darting out of the room the second she was free from Sebastian, Akona had dragged Esther into the forest and onto the black alicorn. They flew off headed to no specific destination as the forest passed underneath of them, a blurry canvas of greens and browns.

"How would you know?" Esther asked with genuine interest.

"The story where you're Zelda remember?" Akona filled in. Esther blushed and sat up straight, sitting side-saddle (A/N both legs on one side of the horse).

"Story? That was three weeks ago." Zach looked back and them, puzzled. The girls couldn't meet his sky blue eyes and he kept flying.

"Zach go into town, I think I know who can help us." Esther said calmly, ignoring his confusion.

The magical creature turned towards the bustling city and landed on the roof of a building, hidden by the smoke around it. From there he leapt onto the cobblestone pathway and walked down the road. "Where to?" he said while swatting a pesky fly from his back.

* * *

Sebastian paced back and forth in the room where Ciel lay on the floor, still dead. He had watched for a minute to make sure that his young master was dead. In his confusion, he tried bringing him back with a kiss (as much literature told him this was the way it should be done) but nothing happened. In the end Sebastian was left with a mouth full of gross shit like human food, he hated food. The promise of sweets that never came whenever he tasted his young master's cakes and pies. Souls aren't sweet, so he couldn't taste the flavor, which was part of the reason why he liked cats so much. They share his pain of a non-sweet life.

But the two whores had only made him relive that terrible experience, plus they killed his master, his dinner, and they needed to be punished accordingly. Not only that but the matter of their souls, he didn't know what they even where. The taller one claimed to be a Shinigami, yet her soul smelled nothing like it should if that's what she was.

So it was with a super confident game face that Sebastian left the manor, leaving via wall and forgetting the windows.

* * *

"You sure?" Akona said warily.

"What's the matter you fucking love this guy!"

"Yeah and you probably jack off to Sebastian but look who's trying to kill us." She replied to her friend, who froze before punching Akona hard in the gut and opening the door to the Undertaker's shop. Akona fell on the ground and Zaranicus nuzzled her shuddering form before peeking into the shop and shivering in excitement. Being a creature of supposed light, yet darkness, he was a fan of death.

Akona, hugging her middle, stumbled inside and found a grey blanket on the floor, after dusting it off she tossed it onto Zach's head. He changed into a human and wrapped the blanket around his waist. His human form was that of an 18 year old boy with long black hair that fell into his bright blue eyes constantly. Zach was muscular (in the lean way), with wide shoulders.

Esther watched his muscles move under his pale skin as he stepped to stand beside her, that blanket hanging oh so low on his waist. The curly haired girl looked up and prayed this Fanfiction would become rated M, it won't.

"Undertaker? You here?" Akona asked, projecting her voice so the old man would hear her.

"And who would you be~" the creep asked from behind them. Zach spooked and ran to the other side of the room, breathing heavily in fear; this caused the Ex-Shinigami to laugh lightheartedly, but not one of his ground-shaking laughs. Akona was looking forward to one of those.

"My name is Akona Gillette Terling and this is Esther Quincy Faulkner." She looked over at Zach and smiled inwardly, "And that is Zaranicus."

The Undertaker watched the taller girl speak through his bangs; she disturbed him in some way. The man in the corner however, was most amusing. "I see, and what could two lovely ladies like you want with an Undertaker."

Esther twitched. "Cut the shit we need your help." He stood tall at her attitude, "Sebastian's after us because Akona killed his pimp/dinner and we need someone to help us get back to our own time!" She'd had enough apparently.

He was silent, thinking, before sitting on a coffin and eating his bitch biscuits. "Really now~?" Another bone shaped treat disappeared. "Well I may be good, but I'm not _that _good."

"Noooooo! How the hell are we going to get back then!?" Akona grabbed her hair and pulled, a light smack from her bro brought her out of it. They were all quiet for a moment and Zach took one of the treats and munched on it. "The gun, we need the gun!" the Polo sporting girl shouted with determination.

Esther spoke with her face in her hands, "You said it didn't dome with us."

"I said it _probably_ didn't come with us!" she yelled again, the silver haired man just watched.

"And another thing, how are you a Death God?" Zaranicus said with a mouth full of cookie. _It'll be full of my cookie soon~ _Esther thought lewdly.

The Undertaker stopped chewing at this. "Oh~?" he stood and gave the bitch biscuit jar to Zach.

"Well I wasn't one till I said I was…" Akona thought out loud, "And I don't think a butterfly knife counts as a death scythe…"

"So what we become what we say we are?" Esther said with little hope of that happening. "Then I'm and Evolving Robot Unicorn!" Nothing happened.

"Well shit bro I don't wanna be the only one in this boat."

"It's not a boat, it's a ship. A BROSHIP. And I'm fine with being human" Esther opened the coffin and laid inside of it.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Akona said sternly.

"UNDAHTAKAH!" Esther moaned/shouted. Said man walked over to her side. She handed him her phone and showed him how to browse through the pictures. "Keep it, I stole it anyways." She rolled over in the coffin and promptly fell asleep.

The mortician kept flipping through the pictures that were downloaded onto the device, not at all phased by the technology. He came across a certain picture and dropped the phone before rolling onto the ground, laughing so hard the beakers on the shelves fell and shattered. Zach ran around the room, snorting and making the sounds of a frightened horse.

"Mother fucker…" Akona grumbled before locking herself in another coffin.

On the phone was a picture of Grell cicada blocking William.

* * *

**For that picture go TO ** fs71/f/2012/321/a/6/cicada_block_by_ **(It's a DeviantART thing)****  
**

"**But we're not allowed to post links!"**

**ITS FOR THE MOTHERFUCKING PLOT.**

**Review pweez!**


	7. Chapter 7

**ROUND SEVEN BITCHES**

* * *

Esther woke up in the dark of her coffin, and immediately tried to stretch in order to wake up her cramped limbs. But, because she was in a tight space this proved to be impossible. Failing to remember her current position _again_ she sat up, and hit her head on the lid of the coffin. This made her panic and behave much like the mother squirrel she had cornered and killed earlier.

Let's just say it was a while before Esther figured out how to open the coffin.

Akona, however, was already awake and sipping on tea with the Undertaker while Zach munched away on the biscuits. She told him about the science of the darts and gun she had used to try and pull Esther out of the crazed world she'd been in, and how they needed to find it. The man stayed silent, and a good distance away from her while she spoke. Once the Polo clad girl was quiet, he asked some questions of his own.

"Your friend said you're a Death God now, but not before…~" he said creepily, his manic behavior replaced with concern. "Care to explain?"

"Well, I was scared and told Sebastian that I was one." She swirled the tea absentmindedly, "And I told him my butterfly knife was a Death Scythe." He titled his head to the side so she took out the knife and handed it to him.

After fumbling with the metal blade for a few minutes he managed to open it and get a good look at the metal. "Hm~ well it certainly isn't any normal Death Scythe. However it looks like one." He handed it back to her, and she closed it faster than he could blink.

The coffin Esther was in started to shake violently, causing the two Shinigami in the room to look at it. Once they realized who was inside they ignored the moving box. Zaranicus, however, was scared shitless. Once again, the alicorn was darting about the room in his human form, knocking shit down as he went.

The Undertaker frowned at the destruction of his things and shrugged it off, before undoing his sash and lassoing the scared mythical beast with it, making his robes open to reveal his bare chest. Zach didn't bother to use his hands and get it off, instead he used them as if they were legs, though he stayed on the actual two that he had unlike Pluto.

Rearing up and holding his hands like hooves the alicorn neighed and rolled his eyes franticly while the Undertaker approached him slowly. Once the beast calmed down, the grey haired man pet him and gave him a biscuit.

It was then that Esther managed to hop onto the ground (while in the coffin), busting open the wooden box. She tumbled out, spooking Zach once again. This time he ran straight into the Undertaker, sending them both into the ground. The blanket around his waist slipped as he fell, leaving Zach's rear end bare for all to see.

It was at this moment that Esther looked up from the ground and saw a semi-naked Zach on top of a bare chested Undertaker (and yes, the Undertaker was toned my friends). She promptly passed out.

"Dammit." Akona stood and set down her beaker on the counter. "Get up and turn back Zach." She grumbled before slinging Esther over one shoulder.

The alicorn stood without the blanket on him and his junk shone a magical black light, making the Undertaker's silver hair glow a pure white. The mortician's eyes widened under his bangs and his heart stopped momentarily as he gazed at the alicorn's package. As the magical manliness exited his line of sight the Undertaker fell unconscious from shock and awe.

Akona ignored him, and Zach, and exited the shop (making sure to steal a few biscuits for Zaranicus). Once outside he turned back into the beast he was known as. Akona slung Esther over the top of his back and got on in front of her bro. With a light kick the alicorn started trotting down the road before picking up speed and taking off.

* * *

Sebastian entered London with his aura black and very pissed. In fact a shadow surrounded him at all times even though the sun was shining brightly in the sky. People who gave him odd stares had their souls stolen and torn apart without a second thought. People who didn't look at him were made pregnant (he did this by saying hello to them in his normal voice) man or woman, it didn't matter. The demon was somewhat of an attention whore.

He had tracked their scents to the woods easily enough, but they ended where he came across a set of horse tracks that took a few strides and then disappeared. It annoyed him greatly that their scent's just vanished like that, now mixed with the evil and dangerous scent. He tried to follow it but the demon simply couldn't fly.

So, he went to the most reasonable place they would go to for help, London.

It was here that he came across many, MANY cats. Of which he spent time with all. By the time he actually made it into the inner city he had a line of felines behind him, of which he planned to use to his advantage later. It was atop a building that he caught their scent, and the strangely dark one, once again. The ex-butler followed it to the Undertaker's, where he knocked down the door and walked right in.

The Undertaker was on the floor, passed out. Sebastian observed him for a moment and saw a smile plastered on his face with drool running out the corner of his mouth. _They must be more powerful than I thought…_

Upon looking around the room he saw two disturbed coffins and the girl's respective scents in each. He assumed they must have stayed the night here. The jar that usually contained the Undertaker's cookies was empty, and there was no way he ate them all by himself like that. He also found a blanket that smelled strongly of the darkness from before…and farts. _Someone eat grass?_

There was a device on the floor that he turned on, and he swiped the little sliding bar in order to unlock said device. The picture that popped up was an odd-looking drawing of Grell pinning William to the wall in an odd way. He slid his gloved finger along the screen and the image changed to one of him and his young master, in bed together…

Sebastian's eyes widened and he put the phone down slowly, and then backed out of the room.

* * *

**I couldn't come up with an Undertaker joke XD Fucking shit I spent HOURS on that and came up with NOTHING!**

**So if you have one I'd like to hear it :3**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey 'Guest', guess what? I actually was going through all my reviews to see who I had to thank and I saw your first one, and thought **_**I should do that.**_** But now, after you're incessant BITCHING I will NOT add that shit to my Characters list, so SUCK IT AND LOVE IT.**

**If you don't want to read this FanFiction, then DON'T. (Btw thank you 'Merry Christmas')**

**But to those that want to, and do, know that I love u guys XD!**

"Any plans on where we're going?" Zaranicus asked grimly while looking back at his only conscious passenger.

"What's the attitude for?!" Akona shouted furiously at him. She didn't have time for his bitchyness, she needed a plan.

"Well now you know how you sound…" He mumbled while looking forward again.

"Uhuh." She crossed her arms and sat up straighter. "We need the P99. It had those damned darts that brought us here."

"A…dart brought you here? Were you high?" He trembled at the thought, as if a high Akona was deadly (it is).

She shrugged, ignoring him. "But I can't find it, I don't even know if it came through with us. And it would take me God knows how long to build everything from scratch with this technology." Akona said while gesturing over London.

"…"

"We need someone who can find it. But who the fuck finds things in this universe?" At this point Esther whispered something about a man named Ted.

"Cops find people." Zach suggested.

"No cops, please."

"The C.I.A.?"

"Zach the C.I.A. was founded in the 1940's" Akona informed.

"Well bears can find stuff with their noses, mine isn't too bad in this form." He proceeded to sniff the air around him and ended up inhaling the smoke from a chimney bellow, causing his eyes to flash red for a second before they became a calming blue again. Zaranicus shivered.

"Smell…Dogs find stuff…PLUTO!"

BREAK

Esther's head hurt like a _motherfucker_ when she finally awoke. The bright light of day seared her eyes once she opened them. Groaning angrily the half ginger pushed herself up from the form she was draped across, noticing it was Zach. They were in a garden, the Phantomhive garden…

"Look, Sebastian I swear to God it was an accident." She grumbled while sitting up properly on the alicorn. "Please, no torture."

"You're safe dumbass." Her bro's reprimanding and quite annoyed tone came from behind her. Esther turned around to see Akona brushing herself off.

"Oh yay!" the shorter girl cheered and hopped off Zach, who stood off to the side grazing like a normal horse. 'So why the hell are we here, won't Sebastian attack us?"

"He's not here." Zaranicus said through a mouthful of grass.

"How do you know?" Esther asked the black animal. He stiffened for a second and his ears went back in what looked to be embarrassment.

"It doesn't matter bro, we need Plu Plu to help us find the gun." Akona spoke up, certain that she was clean now.

Esther's eyes widened in joy, or possibly as a side effect of the 'future water' **(A/N Fucking finally! I got the title in the damn story FUCK YEAH!)**. She absolutely loved the demon hound. "Where is he?!"

"I don't know." Akona muttered while looking around.

They wandered for some time through the immaculate garden while calling out for the silver-haired dog. Zach followed them nervously and kept his eyes glued to the tree line in case Sebastian were to appear on the scene. They rounded the southern wall and came face to face with Mey-Rin.

Her glasses were off, in other words she was ready to kill the intruders, her Amber eyes blazing with rage. There was no doubt in either bros' minds that she and the other servants had seen the dead Ciel in his study. They were rather fucked.

"Who the hell are you!?" She screamed, though the young woman was now shedding tears she was still very badass in doing so.

Bard and Finny appeared from the kitchen doors, armed with their own equipment. Akona stood In front of Esther and out came her butterfly knife with a flash of silver. The maid didn't wait for an answer and fired three rounds, conserving her ammunition and hoping to scare the girls into speaking.

Zach spooked, once again, and took off into the clouds. _Fucking pussy…_ Akona thought as she deflected the bullets with her knife. From her ass pocket (That would be the back pocket to you) she whipped out two more knives, simple ones. The Shinigami threw the knives with the flick of her wrist at an amazing speed. One grazed the cheek of Mey-Rin while the others missed when she dodged them.

Esther snuck out from behind her bro and ran along the wall, attracting the attention of Finny and Bard. They both attacked her, Bard with his rifle and Finny with his bundles of wood (faggots?). The wood crashed through the stone wall of the mansion, creating a gaping hole. Esther ran surprisingly fast enough to evade Bard's bullets and once near the two, she threw a hard right hook at the chef.

The girl gasped in shock when she saw His jaw break completely. She could box but his was some serious shit. The shocked pyromaniac fell to the ground while Finnian charged Esther with a battle cry, his own fists raised to punch her with his own mighty force. She met him with a punch of her own and her knuckled met his with a flash of silver before they both went flying backwards.

Meanwhile Akona deflected the bullets sent her way by Mey-Rin, slowly getting closer to the maid. Bard lay on the ground, clutching his jaw while grasping for his gun. Once she got close enough, the half Belgian sent a bullet ricocheting towards Mey-Rin's face. The sterling silver bullet scratched the maid's face and lit it in a blaze as the pain swept across her features. Akona took her chance to knock out the ginger and did the same for Bard while Esther got the better of Finny.

"Fuck me." Esther said while gasping for breath. "They can fight." She was bent over, limbs shaking.

"Not really bro, we've faced contractors and they're just human. Are you okay?" Akona asked the shorter girl. Her curly haired friend was still gasping for breath while she felt warmth on the side of her head. Touching her temple her fingertips came away stained with a rainbow liquid. "Bro?"

Esther wiped her hands on her shorts and stood up, using her hair to hide the wound. "No, yeah I'm fine."

"Right." Akona stared hard at her bro and narrowed her eyes; she knew when Esther was hiding something from her.

"Come on, we need to tie them up." Esther said, changing the subject while she could. The shorter girl hopped through one of the gaping holes in the wall and into the manor. As she reached the doorway Tanaka came from the hallway.

He was in his non-chibi form and stared at the girls as they froze. No way in hell would they fight the steward unprovoked. He was an object of their respect. The older man looked at his fallen comrades and stood aside, whether from knowing he could lose or from an unknown motive. As Esther passed him slowly he held out a silver key with the word 'Pluto' inscribed on it. She took the key and ran down the hall, frightened that he would change his mind and come after them. As Akona passed she nodded his was before following her bro.

They zigzagged through the hallways looking for the right door when the two girls came across a shed outside. Under the lean-two was none other than Pluto, in his dog form. Akona noticed a slight frown on her bro's face and smirked. "What did you wanna see his junk?" She teased.

"N-no! Damn nigga turn it down!" she squealed, waking the demon hound. "I was thinking of something else." _Like my weird ass blood._

"Sure, whatever." She looked towards the giant white dog, who was sitting up and sniffing her pockets now. She took out a treat from the Undertaker and gave it to him. "Why did Tanaka give us a key if Pluto was only in a shed?" she asked to no one in particular.

"Don't care, we need him to track our shit down right?" Akona nodded, "Well give him something that smells like the 21st century."

"…" Akona looked down. "Welll~"

"Motherfucker." Esther held her head in her hands. "I swear the one time you think something through fully I will flip shit in joy bro."

"I look forward to it."

"But meanwhile we have a tracker with NO FUCKING SCENT TO FOLLOW." The German phrase sporting teenager yelled at her bro.

Pluto stole a cookie from Akona's pocket and munched on it happily. "Well…" the taller girl started. "there's always your phone."

"Undertaker has it, and it wasn't even mine remember." She shrugged in saying.

"Still, it hasn't been exposed to this century as much as anything else has, and a phone has an encased circuit board. Nothing more 21st Century than an iPhone." Akona looked up at the cloudy sky as a few raindrops fell from the grey clouds. "Zach probably won't come back soon so we'll have to ride 'dis bitch into town."

Esther smiled. "Riding Pluto into pound town."

**I KOW I FUCKING NOW. Way to long since an update and a not so funny chapter. BUT BEAR WITH ME. My dog died so don't be too harsh, it's been a rough week. (he did die of eating chewing gum, not a very noble death and I never really liked him much but STILL. Have pity, just this once?)**

**Btw, neither girl in this fic is homosexual/bisexual. Getting that point across because Esther saying 'Pound Town' may give off a certain vibe, but it's meant as generally as possible, not gender specific.**

**And if that Guest rants ONE MORE FUCKING TIME about my characters list I will FLIP SHIT.**


	9. Chapter 9

**No excuse, 'cept my laziness. I WONT LET THIS THING DIE THOUGH. It'll go to shit before it dies.**

**But I'm having a seriously hard time keeping It funny…**

**Anyways, I know you probably just want the story and not my ranting, so without further ado, **

**FUTURE WATAH**

* * *

Outside the not-so-bustling city of London, alongside a hard packed dirt road, was a squirrel. The squirrel was sitting up, its fluffy tail twitching with every move it made. The creature's red-orange fur glowed in the soft summer sunlight. The tufts on its ears catching the breeze. The animal looked left, then right, before hopping out onto the road. Finding an early acorn, still green, it stuffed the nut into its mouth and went about being adorable with it's now big cheeks.

The red squirrel scurried across the road as it shook slightly. Startled, it ran up a tree and paused on the trunk, debating whether or not it should go back down. As the ground stayed still the cute furry mammal went back out onto the road, where it saw a white smudge in the distance.

No one ever said squirrels were smart, and they'd be right in doing so. You see, this squirrel was so cute because it was an extreme dumbass. The thing didn't make sense of the giant blur coming it's way, nor of the screaming that grew louder. And before it was able to move, the poor squirrel was engulfed in flames.

As it's roasted body fell to the ground it was snapped up and swallowed whole by the blur, which kept running along the road. The only thing left behind was a scorched ground and the acorn, which had popped like a kernel from the heat.

* * *

"Pluto, SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!" Esther screamed at the top of her lungs. She sat in front of Akona, who was taking the insane pace in which the demon hound ran rather easily. The look of amusement on her face was enough to scare Esther even more, and she felt the blood coursing through her veins faster than normal because of the fear.

Every single time he came across and animal on the road, Pluto would be sure to burn it, and if he could, swallow it. Like a snake the beast didn't even need to chew his food. Neither girl knew why he did it, and assumed it was solely for fun.

Eventually they came to the very edge of London, where some civilization was visible. For some reason Pluto stopped in his tracks and allowed the girls to get off. He changed human and ran around on all fours, unashamed.

"Bro we need to find him some clothes." Akona said quietly.

"Yeah, and some for us too…" Esther replied, the taller girl looked down at her own garments and frowned. Bothe of them looked like they had just crawled out of the gutter, and they were littered with bruises and dried blood. If Esther saw her hair in the mirror, she would flip. "We can only get so close to the Undertaker's before people start staring at us."

"Let's go in through the east end then, it'll be a little less conspicuous." Akona suggested, the other girl nodded and they headed around the city, Pluto following at his own pace.

_Time Skip_

Akona started dragging her feet as the sun reached it's zenith in the sky. Her head hung and she resembled a zombie more than a person. Esther however, was marching like a Nazi as she continued onwards through the slums of the city. She looked around corners before continuing onwards, seemingly able to navigate the foreign city. After the half Filipino realized she was ahead of her bro she stopped to wait for Akona to catch up to her.

"You alright bro?" She asked

"Sorry I don't march while blowing on a clarinet for fun." She bitched.

Esther put a hand on Akona's forehead when she got close enough. Pluto, still naked, humped a street dog in the distance. "You don't have a fever…"

"Nigga I aint sick IM TIRED!" She stood straighter to yell at Esther, who tilted her head to the side thoughtfully.

"We haven't gone that far, I don't see ho-"

"Haven't gone that far?! Bitch we battled inhuman servants, walked across and around half of London, and you're not the least bit tired?! The fuck?!" Akona slumped against a dirty wall and slid to the ground.

Esther was quiet, her brows furrowed in concentration, why wasn't she tired?

"Okay, how about we sing a song? That'll get you pumped!" She fisted the air, her aura beaming with energy.

Akona gave her a hard glare that said 'I'm not fucking five asshole'. Giving up Esther sat beside her broskie.

"Well shit bitch now wasn't the time for you to get your period." She got punched for that. "Five minutes, then we need to get going alright? Or else Sebastian will find us." That seemed to give Akona some sort of motivation because she sat up taller.

"How'd we get into this clusterfuck?" Akona mumbled

"I drank water from a stranger, I'm sorry bro it was a stupid idea. But I swear to God that water was from the future." She pulled her knees to her chest and sighed heavily. "It did give off a good high though…"

Akona looked at her. "Is that what matters in the end?"

"Well no, I mean we are in Black Butler. That's gotta count for something, badass points in all"

Akona sighed, "Yeah, we skipped dimensions. Weird too, I thought the gun would just take us home…"

"Don't sweat it, I can't even change a tire how the fuck is a seventeen year old supposed to teleport?"

The reply she got was a grunt, so she gave up.

After the allotted amount of time for rest, which Esther didn't even need, they got going once more. Pluto finished his humping of the street dog who walked away, now preggers.

When the trio finally came across the Shinigami's store they paused at the entrance, the golden fire of light that marked the evening sky lit the storefront with a warm glow that made it work much more inviting. Esther grabbed the door handle and tuned it to open the door, but as soon as it moved an inch Pluto plowed down the wooden door and charged into the room.

When the teenagers followed they saw the Undertaker standing off to the side, while Pluto ate bitch biscuits from a shattered vase. Walking forward Esther saw her phone on a coffin and made note of it. The Undertaker just stood like a zombie.

When he spoke, his voice was laced with tranquility and not it's usual insanity. "Where's your horsey friend?"

"Oh fuck, Zach's got a fangirl." Akona mumbled. "Hehehe, his girlfriend will be pissed."

"Utter her name and I cut you." Esther growled, her face green with envy.

"Hey it's another dimension; she probably doesn't even exist here. Who would fuck an alicorn anyw-" she paused. "Oh, right, he'd have a huge dick right?"

The Undertaker melted right there and then.

Akona turned to him holding a biscuit herself, "We came for the phone, but could we spend the night too?"

The Undertaker recovered somewhat and smiled like his old self, "You ladies should know by now that there's a price to pay~!"

Akona rolled her eyes and walked up to the older man. Once right in front of him, she took his hands and held them about a foot and a half apart in front of him. He watched curiously as she backed away and looked at his hands like a photographer would his subject.

She nodded and explained to him. "About that long, he be a manly alicorn."

The Undertaker froze for a moment before he blushed incredibly hard and stayed in his paralyzed state while the girls returned to their coffins.

* * *

**Woo! Fucking finally, sorry about the wait, like I said there's no excuse. So I bow my head in shame.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Been a while, two weeks or so, so I owe it to the world that does read this.**

**I watched Torchwood, and I'm now going through withdrawal. It's painful. I'll be reading Fanfictions for that show now. Then the crossovers, then I'll write one of my own, and then I'll slowly die inside. Tis a terrible sequence of events and yet it is inevitable. Damn.**

* * *

Akona woke after Esther this time, only to find her friend in her worn out and dirty clothing (not that her's was much better off) rummaging through a tin which presumably held Ze Bitch Biscuits. Crawling out of the coffin Akona stood and stretched. Looking to her left she saw the Undertaker still frozen in his previous position, but now horizontal as he was lying on the floor.

"Yeah I bumped into him and he fell over…" Esther said while her face was in the tin, as if it could reach further than her hands could.

"And he won't move?"

"I dunno know bro, he's staying frozen." She pulled her face out the tin with a wicked smile plastered across it. "Maybe Zach could come in and warm him up with his own body heat."

Akona blushed and shrugged. "Food?" Esther shook her head and the girls pouted. It had been at least a day since they'd had a proper meal.

"I can't find any!" she bitched. "Seriously where does he even hid those crackers?!"

"Biscuits, they're biscuits broskie." Akona mumbled. "And if they're not in the jar then they're not there so stop looking."

"Orly?" Esther said while standing up straight, the jar (That was probably meant to hold organs) in her hands. "You look." She tossed the jar to Akona, who caught it lazily and looked inside.

"…"

"Well?"

"I…" she turned the jar around before rotating it and then looking back into the opening. "It's….no…" Akona set the jar down. "We'll deal with that later."

"But it's fucking bigger on the inside nigga!" (A/N Yes Whovians, there WILL be a crossover, REJOICE) Esther threw her arms out in saying. "There's gotta be more!"

"We can't live off of bitch biscuits bro or we'll become bitchy, like Swine." Esther hugged herself and shuddered at the thought of becoming a dolled up popular whore. "We need to find REAL food."

Esther nodded and grabbed the phone before she followed Akona outside of the store and onto the streets of London. The street where the Undertaker's shop was had few people on it, so no one stared at the girl's shitty appearance. Taking note of the fact Akona set off down the road in hopes of finding something that smelled edible.

"What happened to Pluto?" Esther asked.

_Shit, I forgot about him. Fuck it he's probably doing some weird dog shit. _Akona thought. "Fuck if I know."

"Huh. You don't think he'll turn back into his wolf form do you? Cuz then we're really fucked." Esther said, putting her hands in her pockets. Akona didn't answer because she didn't want to think about it right now, now she wanted food.

* * *

The two made random turns left and right through the city, though Esther noticed they were heading back the way they came. She had to admit it; the East End looked a hell of a lot more like the Ghetto back home. Except for the fact that there were fewer abandoned cars lying around it was pretty much the same.

Akona stopped suddenly when they came to a stop in front of a large apartment complex that looked a hell of a lot cleaner than the rest of the buildings around. One of the windows on the third floor was open, and out of that window came the distinct smell of food, Chinese food. Esther's Asian senses started tingling as she listed the ingredients in her mind, imagining the taste of every one on her tongue.

"Right then," Akona sighed, "the window's pretty high but if we could make a ladder from the-"

Esther knocked on the front door.

"Bro, they won't just give us food." The taller teenager frowned.

"Might as well try, maybe I can persuade them." Esther grumbled, she was still a bit bitchy, but food could do that to a nigga.

"Right…" her friend responded as the door opened to reveal a Chinese girl about Esther's height and no older than 13. She wore silk robes that ended way too high to be acceptable at this time.

"…" The girl just stood there.

"…" Esther just stood there as well, tough her face showed no emotion Akona could feel through the Broship connection that she was doing her best to ask something pitifully.

"…" the girl looked at Akona and frowned.

"…" Esther shrugged

"Okay." The girl said softly. She stepped aside to let them into the complex, which opened to a large sitting room. All the furniture was of Chinese style in some way shape or form. The girl walked away down a corridor at the end of the open space and Esther held a hand up to stop Akona from following.

'_Bro…what the fuck?' _Akona asked through the (Broship) connection.

'_It's nothing, I'll explain later' _

The non-Asian looked at her bro (who stared straight ahead emotionlessly) as if questioning the foundations of the universe. _Right…_

A person came back through the same corridor that the other girl left. Once said person was in the light, both bros recognized her as Ran Mao, Lao's supposed sister. "…" No surprise there as Ran Mao didn't say jack shit.

"…" Esther stared her in the eyes and said nothing, again.

In the whole time that was spent standing there, about three minutes, no one said anything.

Ran Mao nodded and walked down a different corridor then up a flight of stairs. Down another hallway and up three more flights of stairs until she stopped in front of an elegantly carved wooden door. Unlike the rest of the complex this floor seemed more English than the floors below. She opened the door and walked inside, leaving the pathway open for the two Americans to follow, which they did.

What they saw was an office desk, wooden, and behind it, Lao with Ran Mao on his lap as he pet her thigh. "And to who do I own the pleasure of meeting today?"

* * *

**This is my bare minimum chapter, it's so fucking short.**


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